


Three Steps Back

by Morgana



Series: Back From the Brink [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2733404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana/pseuds/Morgana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With progress often comes setbacks</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Steps Back

Riley knew something was wrong as soon as the convoy pulled into the camp. Several of the local villagers were gathered a few feet from his tent, all talking excitedly amongst themselves. He frowned and turned to the private who'd been sent along as their driver. "Hey, help get the civilians unloaded and settled back in, wouldja? I'm gonna go see what all that's about."  
  
He swung down from the jeep and started over to the men. " _Ebizibu?_ "  
  
Instantly, he was assaulted with a flurry of Luganda, far too much for him to understand, although he did catch a few critical words -  _omweeru_ ,  _ejjembe_ ,  _omusaayi_ ,  _emilanga_ ,  _amabwa_ \- and that last one made him turn and run for his tent, swearing under his breath with every step. He really should've known better than to leave Spike alone like that for three days, but he'd been doing so well... There hadn't been any suicide attempts in well over two weeks, and he was lucid more often than not, so when the missionaries he was assigned to asked for an escort to pickup a shipment of Bibles, he'd taken the duty.  
  
Now it seemed that decision was coming back to bite him in the ass. He could hear the screams the men had mentioned as he got close to the tent, eerie wails of pain that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Riley shoved the tent flap back and gaped at the sight of the naked, bloody vampire that was crouched at the foot of the cot, tearing at his chest with his hands. "Spike..." When he didn't appear to hear him, he barked out, "Spike!"  
  
"No more spike, not ever. Shoved it in his eye," he muttered, digging his hands into the bloody mess over his heart. "Gave him what he wanted, always try to give them what they want, but it's never enough. Can't ever satisfy them, just have to give more an' more til it's all gone."  
  
Riley went to his knees beside him, reaching for his hands before he realized that they were actually buried inside his chest, scrabbling through deep gouges, digging into muscle, as though Spike was trying to dig his own heart out with his hands. "Oh, God," he whispered hoarsely. "Spike, c'mon, don't -"  
  
"No God," Spike retorted with a harsh laugh. "No God here." His hand jerked, sending fresh blood spilling down fingers and wrist, covering the dried brown streaks that turned the watching human's stomach. "Or maybe there is, after all. Maybe He came to give me what I deserve." Another hollow, mocking laugh burst from his lips, ringing out until it climbed into a howling scream.  
  
There was nothing else to do for him, no help he could offer except the mercy of oblivion. Riley's hand dropped to his taser, and he brought it up, pressing it hard against Spike's ribs. The vampire gave him a brief look of mingled betrayal and gratitude, then slumped down against him. Riley managed to get him up off the floor onto the cot before he stumbled outside to be sick in the sparse brush nearby, gasping and choking as he heaved over and over again.  
  
Once his stomach finally stopped clenching, Riley slowly straightened up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. To think that Spike had - No. He couldn't think about that, couldn't think about how much force and time it took to do that to yourself, because if he did, he'd either be sick again or go mad and start screaming himself, neither of which would help him now. There was only one way to get through the long night ahead and the tasks that had to be done, and that was simply to do it. He took a shaky breath, bracing himself for the hours that would almost certainly be filled with blood, sweat, and hysterics.   
  
Riley thought yet again about whether it would just be kinder to stake him after all, whether Spike was too far gone, too lost in the insanity of his soul to save. He'd considered it several times since he'd found him, and always told himself that it was mercy that stayed his hand, but he was starting to wonder if it was more than that, if perhaps he somehow needed Spike to come back from this. It was crazy, looking to a vampire for his own redemption, but Riley found himself feeling as though, if he could help Spike regain some of his old self, he might be able to remember a little of who he used to be, as well. For the first time in years, he found himself offering up a silent prayer that whatever was out there helped him - and Spike, for that matter - make it through the ordeal that was waiting for them. There was no answer, no sudden miraculous light from above, but as he turned to go back into the tent and start cleaning and tending the injured vampire, Riley discovered that he felt a little better, just the same.


End file.
